One of the lovely perks of extended hospital stays is having your entire sleep schedule thrown out of whack. Now that I am home I have virtually become nocturnal, hooting with the owls and such. Every night I prepare like I am going to get a full night’s rest, tuck myself in, and cuddle with my pillow pet. It’s never long, however, until I am wide-awake doing something better suited for 2 in the afternoon —not 2 in the morning. Or just doing something better suited for never…Here is a play-by-play of my night. It consisted of everything but sleep.

10:00 PM Watching The Emperor’s New Groove over Skype with my boyfriend. Yeah, I’m 8 years old.

11:30 PM Prepare myself some Hibiscus Tea, courtesy of Michelle Famulare (THANK YOU, Michelle!) I read online it is supposed to induce drowsiness. Never mind the fact that it was my third cup of tea that evening, I was desperate to try this new method. Google lied. At least the tea was delicious.

12:14 AM Staring at my ceiling but it is so dark I can’t be sure that my eyes are actually open. I keep blinking, but I can’t tell the difference and start to get confused.

1:06 AM I’m cold. Time to blast the heater.

1:50 AM I’m hungry. Time to make some Kraft Mac n Cheese. Maybe I’ll get this itis.

2:17 AM I’m melting. Time to blast that AC.

2:46 AM Perusing Netflix. I am not a big reality TV fan, but Undercover Boss is my ish. For those of you who don’t know it’s this really awesome show about the CEOs of big corporations going undercover and working on the frontline of their company to learn stuff and then they give the people they worked with a lot of money. Everyone always has such a touching story.

3:31 AM Where are my Kleenex? Gosh darn it my room is too dark. Undercover Boss always has me crying like a baby. Those people work so hard! Those bosses care so much! Will someone please give me $20K, in recognition for all my hard work on the frontline? Thanks!

3:45 AM Maybe I can fall asleep now. 
3:46 AM NOPE.

4:03 AM Facebook stalking some ex-beaus. Ew, he is not as cute as I remember. (Hey! Don’t judge. We all do it.)

4:10 AM Facebook stalking my current beau. Aw, he is so adorable! What else is on here?

4:29 AM I really want cookies, but all I have is frozen pink cookie dough from like July. Let me Google if it’s still good. Google, you better not be lying to me again. Oh, while I’m at it: “How to quickly defrost cookie dough?” Search.

4:33 AM Looks like I’m gonna run the cookie dough under some hot water for 7-12 minutes. What should I do while I wait?
4:34 AM I’m going to knit a sweater. But actually. It’s a pink cardigan.

4:53 AM Uh oh. It’s been 20 minutes! Shoot now it’s too melted. Back in the freezer. What should I do while I wait?
5:00 AM I really want to paint my nails, but I am just staring at the nail polish. I just did my nails two days ago and they aren’t even chipped. Painting my nails is sort of an addiction. I just keep staring at that polish. I need something else to do with my hands.

5:01 AM Shadow puppets! It’s a wolf. Now it’s an eagle. Now it’s…I don’t have anything else. Darn it.

5:05 AM That should be long enough for the cookies. Time to take them out.
5:07 AM DARN IT! I don’t have a cookie sheet. Hmm this cupcake pan could work. I’ll just roll the dough up in little balls and drop them in. Ugh it’s so hard to fight the temptation to eat the cookie dough, but then I think. Salmonella. And I’m all set straight. The cookies are in the oven.

5:10 AM Back to knitting that sweater. I look up after every Knit one, yarn over, knit two together, slip stitch to make sure 20 minutes doesn’t pass by again.
5:22 AM Time to take the cookies out of the oven! Wait. What the heck? These don’t look like cookies. They look like pink biscuits. Whatever. I’m hungry.I’m gonna eat them with a nice tall glass of milk.

They tasted alright.

6:00 AM 𝄞♭♯”Players gonna play, play, play. Shake it off! Shake, shake, shake it off! Woo woo woo”𝄞♭♯ Why is that horrible song stuck in my head? I miss the old Taylor Swift. Whoever this wanna be hipster New Yorker is, is the reason for the tear drops on my guitar. Well, I don’t have a guitar, but she would be the reason. Whatever. This hater’s just gonna hate, hate, hate.

6:17 AM Wait. I DO have a guitar! I am just strumming away on my iPad garage band guitar. I didn’t realize how talented I was.

7: 00 AM Call my boyfriend on his way to work, and then I pass out while on the phone.